The Ultimate Movie Experience

Note: This was posted on our blog a while ago. Mom and Dad thought that it absolutely belonged on the family site as well, so here it is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Kids of All Ages! Here now, in true time-stamp format for your viewing pleasure, is a record of the nightmare experience that was our trip to the movies on Saturday night.

7:30pm: Beatta and I left our apartment Saturday evening to see the Bourne Ultimatum with a few friends of ours. We are excited.

7:45pm: We arrive at the Spectrum in Irvine but fail to get our usual parking place. With time running out, I drop Beatta off with the tickets for our group and set out to find a spot to park.

8:00pm: After finding no spot, I make a fatal decision: Take my P.O.S. Ford Escort to the Valet service. $8 lost, but I'll make the movie in time.

8:03pm: A young man with bleach-blond hair and sunglasses approaches me awkwardly--no doubt noticing the Ferraris and Hummers surrounding my little red 2-door--and asks, "Sir, did you want a valet?"

10:20pm: Beatta and I hand the valet register our claim ticket and $8. We chortle to ourselves over the silly reality that our Ford is in valet parking. I call our babysitter Steven and inform him that we'll be home in 15 minutes.

10:30pm: No sign of our car

10:40pm: No sign of our car

10:45pm: A friendly valet boy (named Mike), who has retrieved no fewer than 6 cars himself while we've been waiting, looks at me quizzically and asks if we are still waiting. Yes, in fact, we are still standing here.

10:50pm: The assistant manager comes over, asks for a description of our car, and heads off to find it. I call Steven again and tell him we'll be home in fifteen minutes--but this time I mean it.

11:00pm: No sign of our car.

11:08pm: We come to the stark realization: The Valet Service has lost our car.

11:15pm: No sign of our car. I call James Bergener, who had attended the movie with us, who happily sends his wife Amy to pick up Beatta so she can go home and Steven can go to bed.

11:20pm: No sign of our car. Now the owner of the Valet service, along with 4 other employees, is out looking for our car. They stop back at the office now and then to check and make sure that we really are missing our car. We are. The owner of the service gives me my $8 back.

11:25pm: A portly fellow working at the valet reports our car to be found.

11:28pm: Amy Bergener arrives to pick up Beatta. We inform her that our car was found, thank her and send her back home.

11:30pm: The Valet service informs me that, although they have found our car, they can no longer find the keys. I call Steven again and tell him that it may still be a while. (The owner looking for the keys in the background.)

11:38pm: The keys are found in the driveway of the valet service. The owner, the portly employee, and the assistant manager head off to fetch our car. I call Steven and tell him that we will now, for real, be home soon.

11:45pm: No sign of the car. I get sick of this and go pick up a piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I pick up an extra piece for our long suffering babysitter.

11:50pm: The portly fellow pulls up to the curb in a golf cart and informs us that our car has been found, with the keys, but the car will not start. He carts us over to our car, demonstrates this fact, and then has me fill out some paperwork before promising to get us a Taxi home and take care of any towing we need on Monday. It appears that the timing belt has come off its cogs.

11:58pm: A cab has been called, and we wait for it. It arrives. But, it won't accept form of payment (a voucher) from the valet company. The valet disputes and calls the Taxi corporate office. The valet company gets put on hold.

12:15pm: Valet company is still on hold. Thoroughly embarrassed, I call James Bergener again and explain the situation. He laughs and informs me that he and Amy are on their way to get us with a loaner car for the weekend.

12:25pm: I get to drive a Lexus (see the picture!) for the first time in my life.


12:28pm: I get to put the uh, pedal to the metal, in a Lexus for the first time in my life (Sorry, James). Beatta gets to pry her skull out of the head rest when I slow down.

12:35pm: We arrive home, a cool 2+ hours after the movie ends.

So how does the story end? Well, it doesn't. Not yet, anyway. I called the Valet company this morning about taking them up on their towing offer. The dude in the office blows me off and explains that they don't “do that sort of thing”. He does offer me some complementary valet vouchers to make up for making us sit on a street corner for two hours wondering where our car is. I told him he can keep them.

More later...