It seems as though not all Mormons benefit from smaller temples.
"When I first heard the announcement regarding the construction of smaller temples to meet the needs of LDS folks, I was as thrilled as any." said Local Mormon Scott Bosworth. "Of course, that was before I moved to California where I'd be living near one."
What Bosworth--and certainly countless others--failed to recognize, was that smaller facilities with no clothing rental available would put an uncomfortable squeeze on their pocketbooks if their white pants began putting an uncomfortable squeeze on their waistlines. Now, Bosworth feels hopeless about his situation. "I'm priced right out of the market--I mean, I didn't anticipate ever growing out of my 10-year old white pants. I never made room in my budget for a new pair of pants." Mild exercise routines and a semi-motivated attempt to cut back on evening ice cream sandwiches have failed to produce any results.
Beatta, Scott's wife of nearly 6 years agrees: "Yup, he's kind of a fat lard of late. I suppose I'll just go to the temple by myself for a while," she said. She then took an sternly paternalistic tone of voice and rattled off a few verses of Section 89 to her husband who was laying on the sofa. "I ain't gonna just up and buy him new white pants," she added. "Not when the old ones could be salvaged with a little fat-trimming."
Bosworth's attempts to point out that his wife doesn't fit into her white dress anymore were less than productive: his wife simply launched into a Finnish-language tirade about being "pregnant and all that!"
So what does all this mean for the present? "I suppose for the next little while I'll have to just keep coming up with excuses for passing the temple-night sign-up sheet along quickly in Elders quorum meetings." Scott noted that he's had a string of success recently with both "I think Beatta is going that night, so I'm babysitting," and "If I remember, Beatta already signed us up in Relief Society" to avoid awkward stares from less chubby quorum members. "Maybe I'll get a raise at work, and I guarantee that new white pants will be at the top of my list."
13 years ago
2 comments:
I was going for an "Onion-ish" feel to the story...I think it came out about right.
To address this very problem, our Relief Society established a pool of sister who sew and could let out pants—or hem them, which seems to be the other constant problem.
We have an extra pair of white pants kicking around here. I'd offer them to you, but I think that they were discarded for the very reason that you so hilariously share.
Post a Comment